there is nothing sad
by BroadwayPhan
Summary: After the war England realises its not always easy to love someone, even if you want to. UsXUk
1. Chapter 1

Hey there! So this is my first fic for Hetalia: Axis powers and while it is kinda weak (at first at least I think) I assure you it gets better and I have far more original ideas on the way! To my other readers who are probably all "Wtf? This isn't Death Note/ and anime we know!!11!!" 1) you should go watch and/or read Hetalia RIGHT NOW because it's amazing. And 2) I am getting the next chapter of "Fictionally Impaired" together but, and this is no lie, Synonymousbrian is in China right now so I just need about a week more *looks anxiously at angry mob*. So anyway, I hope this hold everyone of my readers over who watches/reads Hetalia and breathes life into the severly lacking fan fiction comunity cetered around this series which seems to have only taken over the fan art part of the internets.

Enjoy!

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It was the night after the war ended, and all the heavily built up tension of the last four years had broken, giving way to exhilaration that was quickly drowning in drunken merriment. For one crystalline moment it seemed as if no difference could separate anyone anymore, all the allies and their friends shared the same pain and the same joy all together as one that night. England's house was abuzz with the party of epic proportions that had somehow made its way to his doorstep, and for once in his life he actually allowed himself to loosen up a bit and show that he was truly happy. It didn't take him long to find his way to the liqueur, he was England after all, and through the thin fog of gin and vodka that was beginning to obscure his vision he could make out the shape of America mixing with the crowd formed around him. Even though he still couldn't completely control his urge to act like the hero, this was one night where that idea wasn't entirely untrue. Yes, England thought, it was a fact that every one of the allies was a hero tonight, but in the end if it wasn't for America they might all have failed. Still, the island couldn't help but roll his eyes at his former colony striking heroic poses and recounting tales of bravery at each of the battles he had fought in.

England felt his stomach tighten for some reason as the taller country made his way closer towards the side of the room he was standing on, but didn't look up to see him. What the bloody hell was that all about? England never felt like this when he was even the slightest bit drunk. Yet as the spectacled nation walked closer and closer towards him, England felt the knot in his gut twist tighter. The smaller country was sure he could easily remedy this by walking out of the room, and out of America's sight, but he was also sure it was the last thing he wanted to do. Oh god, not this again! England had started to feel this way during the war when America had been spending so much time at his house. It was easy to pass it off at the time as being nothing more than the rekindling of friendship between two estranged nations that had once been brothers to each other, but now the war was over. They were mostly friends again, so why was the feeling still there?

England put his glass down on a nearby table, and tried to clear the gin from his head as he found his balance and strode up to America to formally thank him for helping the allies win the war.

"Hey America," England called as he walked up to the taller nation.

"Hey look its little Brittan!" America shouted, cutting him off. "Come here and let me thank you!" The larger Country leaned forward to pat England on the back, causing him to loose his footing and tumble forward into the taller country's suddenly outstretched arms with a small gasp of shock.

"Heh, sorry there. I should have anticipated you being drunk like everybody else."

England looked up to say something, but forgot his words as his eyes met with America's. As his former colony looked down there was a change in his eyes too, but England thought this was probably just his somewhat worried reaction to his former sovereign not being able to generate a response, much less stand up straight. Bollocks why was he acting like this?

"Well…" England tried to formulate a conversation through the alcohol that was beginning to make his stomach churn. "Don't act so high and mighty just because you tried to quit drinking!"

In retrospect, this was probably not the smartest thing to say, but to his surprise America laughed "I never really quit drinking, that was one of the biggest jokes in history. To be honest though, I'm still not really that crazy about alcohol, but I like it fine!"

England assumed this was funny and gave a sort of half meaningful laugh.

"Is that a _smile_?" America said leaning forward "Could it be that I've made the mighty United Kingdom show emotion??"

"Oh shut up you Yankee hick!" England snapped back, and tried to walk away while tripping and falling into nearly everybody en route to the exit. When he did finally reach the hallway and fell onto his knees on the hard tiled floor, he felt a warm hand on his back. Looking back over his shoulder England saw the face of America once again, his face filled with concern.

"Look, are you ok? Let me take you to your room." England made many cries and protests as America hoisted the smaller nation onto his back and carried him all the way to his room. Laying him down on top of the sheets, he frowned as England's face of hard anger washed away into one of pitiful defeat. America sat down next to England on the bed and unbuttoned his military jacket, so the nation could breathe a little easier. "I guess it's just the festivities that have you feeling like this." The younger country whispered.

"…No its…no." England whispered after a long pause.

America leaned in closer "Then tell me what is wrong."

"You don't care. You never care about anyone but yourself!"

"That's not true! If I didn't care about anyone else then why would I save you and everyone else? Tell me what's really wrong because I-"

America found himself unable to complete his thought, as he found his lips sealed shut by England's. His mind became a complete blank, and couldn't even think of an accurate or witty response when his former master slipped back down on the bed sheets and turned his head towards the window, not wanting to see what kind of look America might have on his face.

"That's what's wrong."

America touched a hand to his lips in a kind of blind shock, while his mind tried to put the correct words together "England, why didn't you tell me?"

England's head snapped back like a cobra as his whole body stiffened "Why? Why, you insolent little child?! Maybe because I'm supposed to hate you! Maybe because you left me and humiliated me before the rest of the world like some old nanny! Maybe because you were the worst bloody thing that ever happened to me, and your very existence is a constant reminder of how weak, and pathetic, and useless I've become nowadays! I shouldn't love you; I should hate and despise you! And if anyone else ever found out about me and how I feel I would never live it down! So that's what's got me so fucking upset you little wanker, are you happy now?!"

America said nothing for a moment, he simply looked down at the older nation with half closed eyes that England thought for a moment seemed far older than his barely 170 years. Then, removing his glasses and placing them on the nightstand, he leaned in again and this time planted the kiss on England's lips.

That was the first night they made love, America had to be so gentile because of all the scars and bruises England had etched all over his body. Afterward they simply stared at each other, neither saying nor doing anything else for what seemed like an eternity. America was first to break the silence.

"I don't think either of us thought it would come to this."

England gave a slight smile and let his eyes droop down halfway. "So you felt the same way too? This whole time you-" His lips swallowed the words, as if saying them might break some fragile spell that hung in the air.

"There's no doubt that I love you." America said so relieve England of his burden, while allowing himself to steal a kiss from England's lips. "To be honest I always knew I felt something towards you, but until tonight I don't think I've ever admitted to myself that it was love."

England closed his eyes, he supposed it was true that he always wanted to hate America a lot more than America disliked him, yet somehow these words played on fears that had been at his core for what seemed like ages now. He looked at his pillow briefly and thought if it was even worth mentioning on this night when everything seemed to be going so right for him, America saw this quick faltering however, weak as his eyes were.

"What's wrong?"

England rolled on to his other side so that his back was facing America. "This isn't just for tonight, right? I mean, I hate being rude and all but," he took a deep sigh. "I see the way others are around you, like the way France kissed you tonight. I know I shouldn't be jealous over someone like France acting like that but it's not just him, people like you and some would kill to be in my place right now. I just don't want to have to share you."

England closed his eyes, expecting America to get all upset and say how it was typical for England to do something like this and then get all flustered and worried about it, but instead felt the larger country's hand rest reassuringly on his shoulder and his lips softly plant a kiss on the back of England's neck.

"I'm sorry you feel that way." America whispered, turning England over to face him. "But listen to me, no matter what others may try to do to us, what we shared tonight and what we have here is special, and no one will be able to touch that." Having said that, America proceeded to kiss every scar, burse, and cut on the older country's face and chest.

"How do you keep yourself together when you've been through this much?" America asked, full of amazement.

England smiled up into his former colony's face. "Aw come off it, you big baby! These aren't that bad!"

America smiled and decided to drop the subject, instead deciding to let his blue eyes lock into England's green and watch as they slowly drooped down into sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Hello again! I decided to post this chapter so everyone can now know that: YES I will write more XD. To be honest, I didn't expect the reviews to come as fast as they did but they warmed my heart and I truly thank everyone who submitted them! Ok I'm beginning to sound like a Hallmark card, but it's true. One little indiscrepensy I did realize though, I got 165 hits on this story yesterday alone...and 4 reviews DX. I know, I know "It's , what were you expecting?" but seriously people sometimes reading isn't enough to satisfy a Leo's ego!! Another thing I found is that I'm apparently popular in Europe. I only speak English and some French but to all who are reading/reviewing this in a language other than your native tongue, I think you're awesome, and way smarter than most Americans (which you probably knew XD). I also want to say sorry on my country's behalf for clogging your radio with our songs. I have family over there, I know what it's like!

Merci beaucoup! Danke! Dank u! Grazie! Gracias! Obrigado! Domo arrigato! (I hope I said all that right!)

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"You know there are no secrets in America. It's quite different in England, where people think of a secret as a shared relation between people." –W.H. Auden

It was mutually decided that they keep their relationship a secret, and although this was a bit easier said then done on America's part neither ever broke their promise and continued to act as if nothing was going on between them that was anything out of the ordinary. That being said, it became rather clear to most of the other counties that there indeed _was_ something between America and England that was out of the ordinary. Whether it was the way they slowly began sitting closer and closer to each other at meetings, or the way in which they no longer fought quite so much, or even the way (as some nations pointed out) that they started to spend long weekends or even whole weeks at each other's houses.

The first of these meetings was a rather awkward one for England to get over. He had decided to visit America at his house, seeing as his former colony had already come to his house where this whole affair began, and much of it was still being repaired after the war. Still, as England gazed up at the huge doorway it was hard for him to believe that he hadn't been here in over 130 years. The last time he was here England had not so accidentally set America's house on fire, and didn't think it would be smart to return for awhile. Taking a deep breath before going to knock three times on the door, England only had time to get through one before the door was thrown open and he found himself engulfed in one of America's famous "Hero Hugs".

"You came! You came! You came!" he yelled, spinning England around in his huge embrace "I can't believe you're finally here! How was the trip? Did you find it ok? Was the boat nice? I like planes myself but-"

"Shut up!" England's scream silenced him, "Yes I'm here, now put me down and let me breathe you bloody Yankee!"

America gently placed England back on the floor and took a sheepish step back. "I'm sorry, I'm just happy to see you and I can't help myself when I get happy!"

"You never could help yourself…" England mumbled in a low tone that America seemed to miss.

"Ok so what do you want to do? I'll give you a tour of the house first, but ooh wait! Do you want tea first?"

"You have tea?" the smaller nation inquired.

"Well, I don't really like tea but I got China to sell me some because I knew you liked it and I wanted you to be happy!"

England blinked once, somehow finding it hard to think straight when those big eyes filled with anticipation were looking into his so anxiously. "Um…alright, what kind do you have?"

America's eyes widened. "…There are different kinds?"

England struck his hand to his forehead and sighed. "Ok just me see it and I'll decide."

"Oh-ok, sure. I mean I got a few, but I basically just asked for the best." America said, leading England to the kitchen. Once they got there America opened about five tins filled with all different kinds of tea, all of the highest quality. England picked one and began filling a strainer.

"Just for future reference, I like black tea the best." England said, over his shoulder. America nodded in response and wrote it down in a notebook.

"And, thank you America."

America looked up and beamed with delight, "No problem, I'm glad you like it!"

After the tea was done America lead his guest to the dining room, where they sat in silence for a moment before England broke it.

"This room seems rather familiar, did I eat here last?"

America nodded "Yeah, then you tried to burn it down. It's ok though! I mean its really not, and it was actually a pretty mean thing to do...But I fixed it fine and it needed to get remodeled anyway!"

England buried his head in his hands, furious he had already made such an embarrassing mistake. "Oh I, I didn't mean…well I did back then but…I'm sorry I brought it up."

America beamed a big smile back in response "Its ok I do stuff like that all the time, and you haven't been here in forever so it's understandable you'd forget."

The Britt forced a smile back to his former colony, as he went to change the subject. "You know this tea really is quite excellent, it's been so long since I've had tea of this quality. May I ask how much it cost you?"

The larger country shrugged innocently "Don't know really, like I said I just asked China for some of the best."

England took a final sip of his tea, and placed it carefully down in the saucer. "I see…Well do you want to show me around now?"

"Ooh yes! Come on and follow me!" The younger country grabbed the Briton's hand and began leading him through the many rooms and halls of the huge house that must have grown almost four times its size since England had last visited.

"Does this house ever stop?" the smaller nation began to whine "The time change is starting to get to me."

America looked at his watch quickly before answering "Ok, but let me show you one last thing before we're done!" he pulled England around a sharp corner and up a narrow staircase to a doorway that opened to the roof. "It's just in time for sunset!"

England raised his arm to block out the sun glaring in his squinting eyes. After a little bit, they adjusted enough to see the garden behind America's house. Sprawled out from around the foundation to embrace a small pond, and farther in the distance it blended into the same forests and mountains the young nation had emerged from so many years before, it was like a painting in its perfection.

"This I remember." The Briton said, and just like that all the old memories that he had kept down for so long came flooding back into his mind and nearly overwhelmed him. Looking briefly at America's face bathed in sunlight, he felt his heart give a lurch because for a moment he no longer saw the tall, courageous America that the world had grown so used to. Instead he found himself looking once again at the small and timid teenager who had one minute clung to England out of dependence, and the next was aiming a musket at his head. And there it was, the feeling the smaller nation had passed off as too much gin a few nights prior was back, only now England could feel it more. It felt like breaking. Like there was a glass case around his heart slowly being crushed.

"Are you ok?" America broke England's train of thought, and had taken a concerned step in the older country's direction.

"Yeah I'm fine. Just," England looked up at America's eyes "thinking."

"What?" But the taller nation just found his answer yet again in England's lips against his, and reaching up to embrace him around the neck, America heard his former master whisper into his ear.

"Why did it have to be you?"

The larger country gave a small smile and whispered back "Just lucky I guess."

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After they had both eaten diner, the two countries decided to go to bed. A tad awkward to say the least, but once they had both gone through the same routine of staring at their faces in the bathroom mirror while screaming to themselves in their heads "You can do this!" taking a deep breath before walking into the bedroom and climbing into bed together, it wasn't nearly as tense as either thought it would be. Even so, England could feel the blood rushing to his face as he walked in to find a shirtless America waiting with a look of nervous anticipation smeared across his face.

"I'm sorry, do you mind? Its just that its kinda hot out tonight…"

England shook his head, hoping it would make the heat in his face go down "Oh shut up you git! Its not like I've never seen you with your shirt off before!"

America chuckled to himself as the smaller country climbed under the covers and slid toward him. There was a moments pause before England reached over and placed his hand on top of America's, lacing their fingers together and gently rubbing the spot between the former colony's thumb and fore finger. America glanced down at their hands then at England's tightly closed eyes and pursed lips, and realized just how bizarre it was for England to display any show of emotion or affection.

"I love you America." England said meekly, glancing up into his blue eyes "I'm sorry I tried to forget you all these years."

America's heart gave a slight skip at his former masters words, and something inexplicable made his head lean down and give England a soft, in a way almost forgiving, kiss. "Its ok, I understand. I tried to hate you for a long time also."

"And yet you kept wanting to talk to me and visit my house?"

America blinked "I missed you, sometimes. I just don't think-"

"Either of us admitted it to ourselves?" The smaller country interrupted.

A smile pulled at the corners of America's mouth as it gave a small laugh "Yeah I guess not. I mean, England it's hard for me to really hate anyone and when I do, I don't know, I get over it."

England closed his eyes to where this conversation seemed to be leading "I don't want to talk about this anymore, America." His eyes opened for a moment to see the younger country biting his lip with regret. "This is just taking me a little bit to get used to."

"But you do like me right?" America blurted out, a bit louder than necessary "I mean, you were the one who-"

The older country gave an exasperated shout back "I'm in love with you, you idiotic child! But can't you even admit that this has all happened very fast? One minute we never speak to each other and the next we are literally climbing into bed together, is nothing about that strange to you?"

The former colony raised his finger in an effort to make his point stronger "First of all I am not a child!" England rolled his eyes "And second, this has all happened really fast, but if we both love each other what makes it strange?" England opened his mouth to answer but then blinked, his response suddenly not making sense anymore "That's what _I _thought." America said, and gave the smaller nation a kiss on the cheek, which he immediately felt flair up. England kept his face tight with a look of deep frustration etched across it, eyes giving quick darts back and forth trying to find something to say.

"You are still a child though."

"Am not!" America shouted back in a pout way that did anything but help his retort, made clear by his former master's raised eyebrow. "Ok then, if I'm still a child," The larger country removed his glasses and placed them on him nightstand, then wiggled under the covers until only the top half of his face and fingertips that grasped the blankets were visible. "tell me a story."

England's heart and gut twisted at the sight of America looking so small, kiddish and altogether…cute, it was like he had transformed back into that same small child he grew out of too fast all those years ago.

"Oh shut up you git!" the Briton said, bringing a pillow down on the other countries smiling face.

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COOL HISTORICAL STUFF YEAH!

The fire America and England are referring to happened during the war of 1812. In 1814 the British army had occupied Washington, and set fire to many of the buildings including the Senate, house of representatives, and the Library of Congress. The Capitol was not yet completed at the time.


	3. Chapter 3

Hello again! I'm back with more for this chapter and I really hope you enjoy it, even if it is a tad short. I hope I'm doing justice to the Hetalia characters so far, because I feel like I'm really taking on a responsibility when writing about countries here! I've been to England, but I don't think I stayed long enough to know him, the depictions in Hetalia though seem to be pretty true to how countries generally act in world affairs. In my opinion at least. I think America, for example, is spot on for the most part except we've done some shitty stuff too (sorry indians/ Iraqis!) but now I'm getting political and should stop before someone surely eats me :O. Anyway, enjoy!

I OWN NOTHING

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"Why love if losing hurts so much? We love to know, that we are not alone."- C.S. Lewis

England woke up in bed alone, staring at the golden light across the ceiling that told him it was still early morning. He silently cursed the insatiable crow cawing outside the window that had woken him from a relatively happy dream, and refused to let him return to it. Rolling to his side, the former empire wasn't too surprised to not see America there, he never could stay put more than five minutes the git-face, but he did let himself admit that he was a bit disappointed. So far the former colony had been better at signs of affection than he had, but he still had yet to master the common decency of waiting till England had woken up before scampering off to do God knows what! He sighed as the realization that sleep was not coming anymore sunk in. Of course the dream had to be about America, the golden haired nation thought, it was just like Morpheus to roll out a welcome mat like that when he hadn't been to his colony- former colony's- home in so long. And god, if America didn't look exactly like the teenager of almost two centuries ago when he took those glasses off. It was cruel really, and it made England feel like some sick pervert that lusted after younger faire, his former 'brother' no less! He put the thought out of his head as that now too familiar feeling found his heart again. Maybe it was guilt, maybe not, after all America said he had felt the same way towards England. So what was it? And then the thought slowly, and painfully dawned on him.

"It's me," England whispered to himself "it's me and my pride." That stiff upper lip and English pride he always held in such high esteem was what was doing him in. He couldn't look at himself in the mirror and think "I'm going to be beneath that bloody rebel" both literally and figuratively. Bowing, and giving others praise above himself just wasn't something England did, because there wasn't anyone in the world who deserved it...except now he loved someone and that was all he wanted to do.

Suddenly England's eyes shot open when the pungent smell of breakfast came wafting through the room and tickled his nose. Now fully awake, he kicked his legs over the side of the bed and moved quietly downstairs, following the smell and the sound of America's voice that slowly grew louder.

"Ok so I really liked the dancing we put in the last one but I feel like people are getting tired of those so listen to this: Aliens! Don't you give me that! Listen it will be great and have a real message about war and-"

America seemed to be talking on the phone about his next big movie. England rolled his eyes at the younger country's obsession as he the conversation changed tack

"Ok so we'll start that in a few months ok? I got to go I have someone on the other line, bye! Yes, sorry I'm back. Now about those care packages to England,"

The older nation stopped walking at the mention of his name

"Yeah, he's still rationing over there and so are his people so I want the idea of people sending him food and stuff popularized. Yeah I know I'm sending stuff but I want more over there ASAP! Ok you get the idea? Thanks, ok bye." He hung up the phone and England could hear humming and swing music now issuing from the kitchen. His mind still couldn't function right, America had been helping him ever since the war began, before he was even officially involved, so England didn't get why his heart overflowed at hearing this one phone call. He turned the corner and found himself shutting his eyes quickly to the blinding sunlight coming through the windows and reflecting off the polished metal surfaces, although when he opened them again England felt as though he was still being blinded.

Food. Everywhere was food. More food than the tiny island had seen in one place at one time since…he couldn't remember. There was bread, muffins, jam, croissants, fruit, cereal, waffles, syrup, eggs, sausage, and bacon stacked on top of plates, scattered around the room.

Hearing a noise behind him, the taller country turned around and let a wide grin spread across his face like soft butter on warm toast. "Morning England!" he said, waving a batter-covered whisk in a gesture of hello, sending gobs of the thick mixture flying "Glad you're up, I was just about to wake you. Do you like chocolate chips in your pancakes or not?"

England simply stood in the doorway gawking for a moment before America's question fully resonated in his ears.

"Um, no thanks America."

The younger country furrowed his brow "Hey are you ok? Would you rather have something else or…?"

"No that's not it you wanker!" he yelled back and then adjusted his voice a tad "I'm sorry but, are there more people joining us?"

"No, why?" America asked even more puzzled.

The smaller country rubbed the back of his neck, beginning to feel put on spot "Well it's just a lot of food. I mean, probably not for you, and not that that's a bad thing or what have you but I…" the sentence trailed off, and England gave an expressive shrug towards his former colony. He wasn't even sure why he felt this awkward, most of his food during the war came from America so this really wasn't that different, it was just that even that food was still being rationed, far from the near feast that was built on the kitchen table. Plus the fact that America hadn't prepared all the meals they shared during the war whilst prancing around the kitchen probably had something to do with it.

America quickly poured the contents of the pancake batter into the frying pan "Aww, please don't worry England I wasn't trying to make you feel bad or anything! I just want you to be-"

"Happy, yes I know!" The golden haired country interrupted "Now shut up, I'm not a child I don't need every action explained to me!"

"Well….Fine!" America pouted and turned back to making pancakes as England took a seat at the table.

There it was, this feeling of breaking again. Why was it so persistent around America, when all he really wanted was to enjoy his company? England almost wished he could forget his pride just for a moment (for that was surely what must be causing this feeling, England thought) and allow himself to just love, almost, but his pride was all that had kept him alive and full for so long and he couldn't just let that go…God, England thought, he really was bad at this whole "Couples" thing.

America flipped a pancake over with a shaky hand "_Oh God, England must really hate me now!" _he thought "_All I wanted to do was make him feel at home, well not his home right now but, yeah home! Why didn't I think he would be mad at me for all this food? Why?!"_

He flipped the soft concoctions onto a plate and carried it over to the already heavily laden table England was sitting at, bathed in sunlight from the tall windows that surrounded him and eying the plate of scrambled eggs hungrily.

"You can start eating without me, its fine." America said, then before he could sit down ran over to take a now screaming kettle off the stove. "I made tea, but I'm not sure if I did it right, its been a long time since I made any and I've always just learned by watching you so-"

"I'm sure its fine." England interjected in what he hoped was a comforting tone "And America," The younger country's head snapped around to look at his former master, only to find their lips pressed together softly, but meaningfully "thank you."

That same goofy smile America loved wearing sprang up on his face again.

"No problem, anytime!"

*_*_*_*

"Where love rules there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other."-Carl C. Jung


	4. Chapter 4

Howdy! Back again and I hope y'all like this chapter, even though I think its a tad melodramatic... Thanks to all who have favorited and reviewed, it's really uplifting! I also and added the explamations of historical events in previous chapters at the bottom of this one. Sorry they wernent there to begin with, I can forget stuff like that easily.

enjoy!

I DON'T OWN HETALIA OR ANY COUNTRY

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England stood with his arms crossed in the small victory garden outside the front of his house, trying to strike a deal for the weekend.

"Ok so do you promise not to embarrass me in front of him this weekend?"

The small fairies he was talking to all nodded their heads in unison. "Promise!"

"And don't embarrass him either, he can do that on his own without your help."

"Are we always going to have to act like this?" one small pixie wined while raising her tiny hand.

"I know I can't make you" England sighed "but please at least for this weekend I'd like you all to be nice to America. He's very special to me."

Several of the fairy women started giggling and gossiping to each other in hushed whispers, and a salamander raised his tail to ask a question "Why is America special to England?"

"You dunder'ead!" One leprechaun shouted back "Its because e'fancy's 'im!"

A blush flared up on England's face "In a way of speaking, yes. And that brings me to another issue. When he and I are in my bedroom alone, you can't come in."

This sent a chorus of laughter though the entire crowd of magical creatures, causing England's blush to deepen "Please don't make me ask something like that again." He pleaded "Probably nothing will happen but…" his sentence trailed off as he could see most of the creatures still hadn't calmed down yet, and he waited for them to stop laughing. "Ok so do we all understand the rules now? Also remember that he can't see you, so if I don't talk to one of you its only because I don't want him to think I'm crazy."

This one they seemed not to enjoy "He's the crazy one England!"

"Yeah, we've been your friends longer!"

"Can't we do magic to let him see us?"

"Or perhaps a seer's stone, but I hear they're rare now…"

"Yes, yes I know" England shouted back "Please just try to understand where I'm coming from here!"

"You wont stop seeing us because he doesn't, right England?"

The country gave a half smile and kneeled down to pat the small fairy on his back "Don't worry, nothing like that will ever happen."

"What wont happen?"

England whirled around the see America standing at the gate to his garden with the most puzzled look in the world stitched across his face.

"Uh-Nothing, that is I-how long have you been standing there for?" The older tried standing up straight and looking dignified, while also trying to ignore the cackles issuing from the "imaginary" beings behind him.

"Just a second…" America replied, looking over England's shoulder "Who were you talking to?"

"No one! I mean…Never mind, lets get you inside it's going to rain soon." England walked through the gate and began pushing his former colony towards the front door of his house when his eye suddenly caught on something.

"What are those?"

The younger country looked down at his hands, half forgetting himself "Oh yeah these!" his huge "hero" smile broke across his face as he handed England the bouquet "These are for you, I hope you like them."

England took them in his hands as if half in a dream, no one had ever given him flowers before, well there was that one time, but he liked these roses better.

"T-they're beautiful America, thank you."

He shrugged "Don't mention it, its what us hero's do right?" there was no immediate reply from his former master who stood on the stoop to his front door, staring dumbly at his bouquet for what seemed like hours before grabbing America by his leather jacket and half-throwing him into the house.

"Hey, what was that for?" The younger country protested before seeing England turn around and wrap his whole body around his, gently placing his small blond head in the crook of America's neck. It was a bit stunning to say the least, dramatic displays of affection like this wasn't exactly England's style, but then again, America thought, this was in a way subtle. He knew England was too stiff and proper to just say "I love you" all the time and shower him with kisses, but right now the younger country could just feel the emotions all pouring out at once in the most simple way the small island could think of. America smiled and retuned the embrace in his warm, fuzzy way.

England almost wanted to cry, almost. The glass that encased his heart was breaking again, and the tighter he held on to America the more England swore he could hear it crack. There had to be a reason other than his dumb pride why he would feel this way, he thought, perhaps it was just the after shock all the air raids or battles, it had to be.

England pulled out of the hug and adjusted his jacket "Well I don't think I need to give you a tour of my house, you've practically lived here for the past few years anyway."

America almost laughed at the smaller country's ability to pretend nothing emotional had ever taken place and move on "Yeah true, but its kinda late, and I have jet lag. Do you think I could go to bed early tonight?"

"Oh yes," England's eyes dropped to the floor in thought "that's fine, I will probably be going to bed soon anyway. I just, have to take care of some business first."

The younger country smiled "Ok! I'll just sleep in your room, right?" He turned to walk up the red-carpeted stairs when he felt England grab his hand.

"Wait!" He stared up into America's big blue eyes while forcing a smile across his face "I'll walk you there. It's ok for me to put this work off for just a while longer."

America laughed and jokingly ruffled England's blonde hair "I never took you for much of a procrastinator, England!"

And as they reached the top of the stairs America swore her heard him say "Only when it's letting go."

_*_*_*_

Everything about England's room reeked of royalty. From the heavy golden curtains, to the mahogany floors, to the red and white walls, to the rich floral upholstered chez lounge. Even the names of the things in his room sounded fit-for-a-king-fancy, America said the words over in his head, _chez lounge, _man it wasn't even his word and it fit England well. Looking around he remembered far too well why he always said the tiny island was so full of himself, if one could build an altar to one's own achievements England had certainly done it with his room, and indeed his whole house. All along the walls were paintings of him and his former bosses riding nobly on horseback into battle, or defeating enemy fleets on the high seas, or just looking…epic, no other word fit the endless parade of England's glorious triumphs. It was times like this, when America was all alone in one of these gargantuan rooms with the high ceilings and staring portraits, he felt like the same small colony he thought was left behind long ago. For all his swagger of a hero, all it took was a few minutes at this house, in this room, to make him seemingly shrink in size and attitude. America remembered once, just once, when he was little England had shown him his home for a weekend as his way of "introducing his brother to the world" but all it proved to do was give the colony a raging inferiority complex towards his master and the rest of his European counterparts, like the whole place screamed at him "But what have _you _done?" It was these memories that enabled England's house to always seemingly put America back in his place. It was all he could do really just to keep from calling England "sir" when he gave a knock on the door and walked in to the bedroom.

"England! I'm not done changing yet!"

"Oh shut up you squeamish idiot!" the older country rolled his eyes at his former colony's inexplicable shyness.

"I'm not squeamish! I'm dignified." America threw his nose in the air after pulling his shirt over his head.

"Oh, ok!" England's words dripped with sarcasm as he turned towards a globe that he began spinning absentmindedly. Meanwhile America had removed his glasses and climbed into the oversized bed, frowning as he squinted across the room at his former master's face.

"Hey England, are you ok?" England didn't say anything even though America knew he could hear his question. All he did was continue to spin the large wooden globe, tracing all the colonies and countries that had a small English flag stuck on them.

"Do you know what the problem with ruling the world is, America?"

"Hrm?" the younger country tilted his head to the side.

"You have to be the one to give it up."

America spoke his words softly as he could "England, what's wrong? Why are you telling me this?"

England looked up and gave his former colony a small, sad smile, and strode over to where he lay in bed. Then, placing a gentile hand on America's face, leaned down and kissed him first on the forehead, then on the lips, then wrapped his arm around America's back and held him close for a minute.

"Promise you wont become like me."

"What?"

"Promise!"

America blinked "Ok, I promise, but why?"

England turned to walk out of the room and flicked the lights off, leaving America in the dark. He walked to the far corner of his office down the hall to make double sure his former colony could not hear what he was about to do. England stared at the phone for a long moment, taking in the last few centuries bit by bit before he brought them to a conclusive end. He had never been a big nation, and from the beginning everyone made fun of him for it, France, Spain, his own older brothers! No one gave him credit, or thought he could do anything great, so obviously that was exactly what he needed to do, to prove himself to everyone. But Europe alone was simply not enough for England or anyone so what did they all do? Expand. Concour. Colonize. Yet no matter how much land he grabbed or places he claimed, England was still mocked and taunted by his naboers and siblings. That was when he found America, and suddenly their name-calling didn't hurt as much and their fighting never left that same sting. He had a brother now, a real friend that he could call his own, it was perverse and weird and wonderful all at the same time. England invested his heart and all his strength in the small boy and lied to himself that it would be safe there, he protected America because he wanted to protect himself and the investment he made. But this backfired in the cruelest way, and what had been the happiest time in England's life ended at the barrel of a musket.

He became angry, furious really, at everything and everyone. If he could not have America, did he not deserve the world as compensation? Any lingering nagging from France he made sure to shut up and shut down with empire. He took all the compensation he could find, trying to fill in the gaping hole America had left when he tore out his heart, but he came to the edge of the world and what did he find? All those nations were, was compensation that never worked. Egypt didn't have America's eyes, Hong Kong didn't have America's smile, Canada didn't have America's laugh and none of them could ever ever be America. They were all just cheap stand-ins as friends, allies, and yes lovers too, that never amounted to what England needed, no matter how much he made himself believe that they did. This was surely what he felt breaking inside. Wasn't it? This old lie that simply wasn't working anymore and really only hurt him and the rest of the world with him, was breaking inside of him and England knew it. So with all the strength he could muster, England picked up the phone and began to dial.

Hours seemed to pass as America drifted uncomfortably between sleep and waking before he heard the older country walk back into the room and sigh as he slowly climbed into the bed. He placed a gentile hand on America's shoulder and kiss him on the cheek.

"I love you." England whispered, then rolled over to fall asleep.

_*_*_*_

HISTORY!

"Victory Garden": the name given to gardens grown for food in England during the war. Food was heavily rationed so sometimes the only way to get any food was to grow it.

The Leprechaun: Yeah any cryptozoology nerds out there will be going "They're only native to ireland wtf?" but I felt the need to stick one in there.

"Seer's stone": It's a stone with a naturaly made hole in the center. When you look through the hole, it allows you to see spirits.

"There was that one time but England liked these roses better": England is thinking of "the war of the roses" which happened between the house of York and the house of Lancaster. York's symbol was the white rose and Lancaster's symbol was the red rose.

Colonies: England let most of it's colonies go after WWII, the same can not be said for others like France who held on to places like Vietnam and Algeria until revolutions and wars made them let the colonies go.

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Ch1

That time America tried to quit drinking: Prohibition, the United states banned alcohol because they thought it would reduce crime. Now isn't that funny? Crime soared and people kept drinking anyway by bootlegging alcohol.

ch3

America's movies: Dance movies were huge in the 40's but fell out of stile and were replaced by b-horror movies and science fiction thrillers. Not all were bad and some, like "The Day the Earth Stood Still" had 'real messages about war and stuff'.

Sending care packages to England: This seriously happened! America gave England tons of food and supplies during the war, yes, but after the war it was a hugely popular idea among Americans to send care packages to English families after the war. This was done mostly because England had to keep rationing food well into the 50's even with help from the U.S. government.


	5. Chapter 5

Welcome back! This is the last chapter of my first fic for Hetalia! I hope you all enjoyed it. It was origonally going to be alot longer and go all the way up to the present day, and I wish I could say I cut it down because of purely artistic reasons but being tired had alot to do with it XD. Also I didn't want to waste all my plot bunnies for future fics. I was thinking the other day that my ancestors probably hate me for shipping this pairing seeing as at least 2 of my great-great (etc) grandfathers risked their lives fighting the British (one in the IRA during the 20's and the other one being the famous Ethan Allen, yes THAT one.) but it can't be helped, this pairing is LOVE 8D. Thank you again!

I OWN NOTHING

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"Love is the burning point of life, and since all life is sorrowful, so is love. The stronger the love, the more the pain"- Joseph Campbell

America woke up with the feeling that his whole body had been set on fire. Upon investigation he found this was probably because it seemed he had hogged all the blankets during the corse of the night. He rolled over to his other side and saw England sitting daintily on a chair near the bed, embroidering a small white linen. The older country looked up and smiled faintly.

"Good morning, glad to see you're finally up. I made breakfast!"

America's stomach gave a slight lurch, remembering how awful England's cooking always was. "Great!" He managed to choke out, not wanting to let on how disgusted he really was, then he remembered last night. "England," the younger country rubbed his head in an attempt to wake up faster "What where you-" he felt a hand placed gently on the side of his neck silence him. Turning, America saw England's green eyes looking over his face with an almost pained expression, as if he hadn't heard the question. The older country leaned over and pressed his lips softly against his former colony.

"Breakfast is in the other room." And with that England swiftly turned and walked out of the room.

"England, wait!" America sighed and quickly got himself dressed before following his former master into the larger room.

The breakfast wasn't as bad as it could have been. If America stuck mostly to the sour jam and burnt English muffins he found he could tolerate it. Through the tall windows near the table where they sat the two countries could see the bustling streets of London filled with people going about their daily lives as though a war had never happened. America shifted uneasily in his chair as he actually tried to think of a way to ask England what happened last night rather than just coming out and asking it like he always did.

"Hey, England?"

"Yes?"

"Um…Why did you kiss me last night?"

The older country dramatically grasped the arms of his chair as he yelled at America "Because that's what I thought people who were in a bleeding romantic relationship do! Am I wrong in assuming that?!"

"You think I'm romantic?" The younger country smiled dumbly.

England pressed his hand to his forehead "You're bloody unbelievable, do you know that?"

"Yes," America sipped his coffee with the air of someone who had just been given a complement "but I still don't know why you were acting weird last night."

"Is kissing you all of a sudden weird?" The island's voice never dropped in volume.

"No!" America burst out assuringly "Not at all, it was just the way you did it, and before that, you just seemed scared of something, it was weird. I don't know…" He glanced down at the floor to avoid England's eyes that were boring into him with anger. "It's not me, is it?" The former colony glanced up to catch England's eye, the effect of which quickly melted the fury off his face.

The tiny island began to trace the edge of his teacup with his index finger. "In some ways I'd be lying to say it wasn't"

America nearly jumped up "Well what is it then? Do you want me to leave, I-"

"No!" England grasped his former colony's hand "Please don't do that!"

"Then tell me what's wrong!"

There was a pause as the smaller nation got up and walked to the window "Please understand how hard this was for me, because I know you wont feel sorry for me." There was no response from America, and England chanced a nervous glance back before continuing "I'm letting all my colonies go." Snap. Crack. Break. The pain in England's chest shattered, cutting his heart and making it bleed.

"Oh" America blinked "Ok but, what does that have to do with me?"

England turned around "You're not mad that I'm just letting them go without firing a single bullet? I mean, without fighting to keep them that is."

The former colony rubbed the side of his coffee mug "You mean, like how it was with me?"

The island nodded.

America looked down at the floor and let his eyes trace the gold and black bordering of the woodwork "I would never wish that kind of pain on anyone, England…" he paused "And if your asking if I wish it had been that way for us, then of course I do! But looking back on it all these years we both knew it could never had happened any other way."

England sighed and placed his hand on the table almost like he needed it for balance. "Were you," he spoke the words firm and loud, to try to disguise any weakness that might be growing there "were you ever mine?"

Now America was really weirded out "What?"

"If I had done things different. If I had, I don't know, been nicer to you or something, would you still be…"

The former colony got out of his chair with a sigh and walked over to the opposite side of the window. "For someone who made the language we're both speaking, I don't think we've ever understood what the other has been saying." England furrowed his brow as America continued talking "Do you remember what I said to you that got you so mad? What I kept saying the whole war?"

"That you only wanted me as long as I could give you free protection and supplies, and as soon as I started showing the slightest bit of control you hated me?"

The younger country shook his head and placed a hand on his former master's shoulder "That people are only legitimately ruled when they've given their consent to be ruled. You were everything to me for a long time England. A parent, a brother, a friend, but I never said you could own me."

England sighed and rubbed his forehead, trying to hide the blush that was growing around his face. America's wisdom truly shocked him sometimes, especially because he showed it off so rarely "So I guess that's a no?"

To his surprise, America actually smiled "Yeah I guess so." He leaned forward and wrapped around England's middle "You were the best big brother ever, though."

The smaller nation chuckled and closed his eyes "Ok, ok. You don't have to go get all sentimental on me now!"

"Whew, good because that was getting tiresome!"

"Oh shut up, you bloody idiot!" but both knew that neither one of them meant the words they were saying, because they were now holding each other and smiling through their snide comments.

"You're still just a hick, you know."

"Yeah, but its better than being a stuffy old man!"

"You ignorant pilgrim!"

"You hallucinating phony!"

England narrowed his eyes, but kept his smile intact "You are aware that this is by far the most dysfunctional relationship ever. Right?"

"Yes," America leaned in and kissed the side of England's neck before resting his head on his shoulder like a puppy "but if we love each other then its alright. Right?"

And England smiled as he realized that that thing he had felt breaking deep inside him had turned into something else. It was still there, and as persistent as ever but, not grounding or heavy like before. If anything he felt lighter somehow, and more free and just…good! "I suppose we better get ready to go to that conference today, hrm?"

"Yeah I guess, but its gonna be so booooooring!"

"Well maybe at break we can do something together and make it not so boring?"

America nodded seriously "I could do that." They laughed, "Just so long as France doesn't follow us." England's face grew dark at the mention of his eternal annoyance's name, which he didn't have much time to think of because of his former colony's lips soon locking with his. "Don't worry, you have a hero here to protect you!" America lifted a triumphant hand into the air.

England smiled and ran his hand up the length of America's outstretched arm to grasp his hand tightly "I think you're more dangerous." And stretching his neck up, they kissed once again.

"There is nothing sad, except history"- T. H. White, The Sword In the Stone

End

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